Akamaru Troubles
by Papina
Summary: The Akatsuki accidentally picks up Akamaru instead of Naruto which causes Kiba to fret a lot & cause chaos just to get Akamaru back. Plus more random crazyness. R&R if you think I'm crazy.
1. My Bad

**A/N:** Here's another funny story! Hopefully I'll be able to think of crazy funny ideas for this one. XD

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto.

**Don't:** forget to review

**Just: **enjoy the story...

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Chapter 1- My Bad

" I'm bored, un.", Deidara muttered as Sasori shook his head in disbelief. They were headed for Konoha to capture the Nine-tails Jinchuuriki Naruto.

" You're ALWAYS bored.", Sasori commented.

Sasori stopped in his tracks & so did Deidara. " There they are.", he said as he eyed Naruto having an argument with Kiba. Hinata looked worried while Shino...ugh... looked... like he's not showing any feelings.

" Naruto! Nothing rhymes with purple! Baka!", Kiba shouted.

" Oh yeah, how about... jirple?", Naruto said defensively.

" There is no such word."

" Yes there is!"

Naruto tackled Kiba & they both attacked each other. Since they moved too fast, it was hard to tell who was who.

" Naruto-kun...", Hinata said softly.

Deidara made his clay spider ( which went near Naruto & Kiba) explode. There was smoke everywhere. Sasori used his puppet to capture the figure which he thought was Naruto.

**In the Akatsuki hideout...**

" We're back, un!", Deidara ran happily inside.

" Good. I was getting really impatient.", the akatsuki leader said ( A/N: I'll call him sir leader to make it short.).

Sasori reached his arm in the bag where the puppet placed Naruto in. Something suddenly bit his arm.

" Yaaaaaaaa...!!!!", Sasori screamed. _Wait a second, I just remembered that I can't feel any pain._ " I mean --- what the heck?!"

He pulled out his arm & found Akamaru biting it.

" Cool, Sasori dana! Teach me how to turn Jinchuurikis into dogs, un!", Deidara said exitedly.

" YOU WHAT?!", sir leader said angrily like an erupting volcano.

" I did NOT turn him into a dog!", Sasori denied.

" Yes you did, un.", Deidara said.

Akamaru jumped down pulling out Sasori's arm & ran.

" Hey! He has my arm!", Sasori chased Akamaru." Deidara! Help me here!"

" Ok, un.", Deidara said & ran after Akamaru.

Akamaru dropped Sasori's arm & hid somewhere. Deidara was able to snatch it first.

" Thank you. Now give me back my arm.", Sasori demanded.

" Not after I paint it, un!", Deidara ran to get nail polish.

" Deidara! Give me back my arm!", Sasori chased Deidara. " Itachi! Help me here!"

" I'm eating.", Itachi said as he ate doughnuts with Hidan & Zetzu.

" Fine! Kisame! Help me here!", Sasori said while running.

" Ok.", Kisame said & ran after Deidara.

Deidara dropped Sasori's arm after he got hit by the door. Kisame was able to snatch it first.

" Thank you. Now give me back my arm.", Sasori demanded.

" Not after I use it to scratch my back.", Kisame ran since Sasori was already furious.

**Back in Konoha...**

" I KNOW YOU ATE HIM!", Kiba accused Naruto of eating Akamaru. " I KNOW YOU DID."

Konohamaru heard what Kiba said & ran to Naruto.

" Cool, Naruto! Teach me how to eat dogs that fast.", Konohamaru said exitedly.

" YOU WHAT?!", Sakura said & came out from behind a tree where she was listening to their fights.

" I did NOT eat Akamaru!", Naruto denied.

" Yes you did.", Kiba said.

" Shino! You saw the whole thing! Help me here!"

" I'm eating.", Shino said as he bit his doughnut.

" I-I t-think N-naruto is telling the t-truth.", Hinata said softly.

" So you mean he was abducted by aliens?!", Kiba said worriedly.

" You should stop fretting.", Konohamaru adviced him.

" But...but... What if it's true? What if?", Kiba fretted.

" I've got an idea. We should organize a search party to look for Akamaru.", Shino suggested.

" No, that won't do.", Kiba said. " AHA! What if we gather people & look for Akamaru together?"

" THAT'S WHAT I SAID!", Shino said angrily.

" Well, let's go!", Naruto said.

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Sorry for making them look like idiots but it's funnier that way. R&R. 


	2. Ketchup

**A/N:** Here's chapter 2!!!!! XD

**Don't: **forget to review...

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Chapter 2- Ketchup

" Neji! Did you hear?", Tenten asked as she fixed the chicken suit Neji was wearing. " Akamaru was stolen by pirates."

" I thought he was abducted by aliens?", Neji asked. " Why am I in a chicken suit?"

" Because, Neji-kun.", Tenten said happily. " You look kawaii!!!!!!!"

" Kyaaaaa...", Tenten began chasing Neji.

**Later...**

" Ok, we only have 7 people here for the search party... Me, Naruto, Shino, Hinata, Neji, Tenten & Lee.", Kiba announced. " I wonder where Sakura & Konohamaru went."

" Party! Party!", Tenten & Naruto chanted.

" Neji, why are you in a chicken suit?", Lee asked his fellow feathered companion.

" Don't ask.", Neji said stiffly & folded his arms.

" Now, we'll start searching in the training grounds.", Kiba announced.

" Wait, I'm still hungry.", Naruto said.

" Same here.", Shino said.

" But...but... we're after time!", Kiba reasoned.

" I'm hungry too after looking at Neji.", Lee said.

" OK, FINE!"

**After eating...**

" Ok, like I said we'll search in the train---", Kiba was interrupted.

" What about dessert?", Hinata asked.

" ICE CREAM!", Neji shouted.

**After dessert...**

" Mmm... I'm full.", Tenten said.

" Now, we'll go to----", Kiba was interrupted again.

" We're too full to move...", Shino said.

" ARGH!"

**Later...**

" Now can we go?", Kiba asked.

" I'm sleepy.", Naruto said. " I'll take a nap."

" Same here.", the rest except Kiba said.

" FINE! I'LL GO LOOK FOR HIM MYSELF!", Kiba shouted.

" Shhh! Some of us are trying to sleep here."

" ARGH!", Kiba marched going to the training grounds.

In the Akatsuki hideout...

" Look Sasori danna! He likes me, un!", Deidara said happily as Akamaru licked him. " He's so cute, un! Can we keep him?"

Sasori grumbled. " NO! WE CANNOT KEEP HIM!"

" Then what will we do with him, un?"

" Zetsu!!!!", Sasori called.

" You called?", Zetsu went in the room wearing a blue apron & carried a pan on one hand.

" Eat this dog will you?"

" Ok.", Zetsu placed the pan down & walked towards Deidara who was holding Akamaru.

" There is no way you're eating Ketchup, un!"

" Ketchup?"

" Why did you name him Ketchup?!", Sasori asked.

" AHA! So he's the one who spilled ketchup on the kitchen floor!", Zetsu said. " Ketchup is a bad boy."

" Hurry up & eat him!", Sasori commanded.

" No! Stay away, un!", Deidara shouted & hit Zetsu with the pan.

" Sorry, un!"

" Will you stop all this racket! Some of us are trying to sleep here!", Itachi shouted from the other room.

" Tobi's here!", Tobi said as he entered the hideout.

Tobi gasped as he saw Ketchup...I mean...Akamaru," Kawaii! Kyaaaa...". He ran to hug Akamaru.

" He's mine, un!"

" Can't we share?"

" I saw him first, un!"

" So?"

" So what, un?"

" So what then?"

" So then what, un?"

" Can you bake me a cake?"

" WILL YOU PLEASE KEEP QUIET!", Itachi shouted again.

**Back in Konoha...**

" AKAMARUUUUU!", Kiba shouted but no reply came.

The others finally arrived in the training grounds.

" Are you ready now?"

" Yup!", Tenten said happily.

Hinata looked at her watch. " OMG! It's three o' clock. Time for tea."

" We'll go with you!", Naruto said.

Kiba let out a big sigh & joined them for tea.

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Well, that's chapter 2! I'll try to make the next chapter funnier...

Don't forget to review!


	3. Akatsuki's Plan

**A/N:** Chapter 3!!!!! I hope this one is funnier. Don't forget to review.

**Like I said:** I do not own Naruto

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Chapter 3- Akatsuki's Plan

Kiba found himself on the moon. No, seriously. It was the moon. There were craters & all.

" AKAMARU! WHARE ARE YOU?", Kiba called.

He turned around to find his beloved pooch in the hands of pirates. No, seriously. They were pirates. They had eye patches & all. No, they weren't aliens! They were pirates! No, you shut up. No, you! You! ( Narrator fights with blank empty space while blank empty space remains speechless).

" A...KA...MA...RU...", Kiba ran in slow motion towards them.

Suddenly there was a black hole which sucked everything in its path. It sucked the moon along with Kiba, the pirates & Akamaru. Then poof! It became Coco Crunch the breakfast cereal with a great chocolatey taste.

Kiba woke up & rubbed his eyes. NO, it wan't a dream. Read below to see what it was:

Naruto closed the big fat book he was holding. " So, do you like my made up short story of you being sucked inside a big black hole along with your white dog Akamaru & the eye patched non-alien pirates?"

" What did you say?", Kiba asked sleepily. " What happened?"

" YOU WEREN'T LISTENING WERE YOU?!", Naruto said angrily.

" Where is everybody?"

" Let's see... you were shouting Akamaru then some guy popped out of nowhere while we drank tea & offered you one million dollars then you fainted in shock.", Neji explained.

" Really?"

" NO! You fell asleep out of boredom. Then Naruto read you a story."

" Excuse me! I did NOT read a story. I made it up."

" Then what's that book for?"

" Ugh... it's a dictionary."

Kiba sighed. " I need to do something to make me stop worrying about Akamaru."

" Let's train!", Neji suggested. " Or let's go fishing!"

" No! Bake me a cake! Bake me a cake!", Naruto shouted.

**In the Akatsuki hideout...**

" Your cake is ready, un!", Deidara came out of the kitchen wearing an apron & oven mitts. He carried a large chocolate cake. " Which one of you shouted ' Bake me a cake', un?"

" Deidara, no one was shouting.", Sasori who was watching TV said.

" I swear I heard someone say ' No! Bake me a cake! Bake me a cake! '."

" You're just imagining things."

" Who the hell cares about that, give some the cake!", Hidan said & everyone ( except Deidara) were killing each other for a slice.

" Hey! YOU LEFT NONE FOR ME, un!", Deidara shouted as he looked at the empty plate. " YOU'RE ALL SO EVIL, un!"

" Yeah, we know THAT.", Kakuzu said.

" By the way, where the hell is that dog?", Itachi asked.

" Tobi is giving him a bath, un."

" I've got some info about Ketchup!", Kisame said holding up a piece of paper.

" Stop calling that fucking dog Ketchup!", Sasori barked.

" You're right. I should have named him Cocoa Powder, un."

" Why Cocoa Powder?! Did he spill that, too?"

" No, but he almost did, un."

" Ketchup is actually named Akamaru who belongs to someone named Kiba.", Kisame read the papers.

" Akamaru? What kind of name is that, un?"

" Something better than what you can come up with.", Sasori said sarcastically. " Anyway, I have a plan... first we go to Konoha, put Ketchup---I mean--- Akamushroom in a box then leave it on Kibat's door step. Then we hunt down Naruto."

" Yeah, it's Akamaru & Kiba not Akamushroom & Kibat.", Kisame corrected him.

" Anyway, let's go."

" WAIT!", Tobi shouted & ran to them carrying a large gift box.

" This is for you.", he gave the large box to Deidara.

" For me??? What's inside, un? What's inside?", Deidara squealed happily.

" Guess."

" A band aid? False teeth? A nuclear bomb? An airplane? Raidoactive waste? Santa Clause? A metronome, un?"

" Nope. But real close."

Deidara opened it & stared at what was inside with his eye twitching. It was a tiny piece of string.

" I knew you'd be speechless!"

" Tobi, un?"

" Yeah?"

" Why the hell did you give me a string, un?"

" I don't know."

" Tobi?"

" Yeah?"

" You're hopeless, un."

Tobi frowned & became disappointed.

" BUT I LIKE IT!", Deidara suddenly said & Tobi became happy!

" I'll pretend I didn't see this.", Sasori said & they ( Sasori, Tobi, Deidara, Itachi & Kisame only) left for Konoha.

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Well, ugh... what was I supposed to say again? Oh yeah! That's Chapter 3.

Review people! Press the blue button below... yeah, that one.


	4. Wrong Package

**A/N: **I had fun making this chapter!!!! Yeah... I'm running out of stuff to say.

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Chapter 4- Wrong Package

" Aaaah! It's burning!", Naruto shouted as Kiba's oven burst into flames. Neji got the fire extinguisher & extinguished the flames. Kiba's oven was now... burnt & so was the pizza.

" I told you it was a bad idea to make pizza but nooooooooo you wouldn't listen!", Neji said to Naruto.

" Making pizza was your idea!", Naruto shouted.

" No, it was yours!"

" It was yours!"

" Yours!"

" Yours!", Naruto tackled Neji & they began fighting while Kiba was hearing voices from outside.

" Why am I the delivery guy, un?!"

" Because we said so! Plus, you're the only one who could fit the costume & you look normal!"

" It's just a hat! What about Kisame, un?"

" He looks like a freakin' shark!"

" Itachi, un?"

" He looks like a murderer! Which he is.."

" You, un?"

" I look like a puppet. Which I am."

" Tobi, un?"

" He's wearing an orange mask!"

" But whyyyyy meeee, un?!"

" You look like a girl."

" Fine, I'll do it. But you owe me one, un!"

Ding Dong!

Kiba opened the door.

" Delivery for Mr. Kiba. No return no exchange, un.", Deidara said & handed the package to him. He wore a delivery hat.

" So, you wanna go out for dinner sometime?", Kiba asked.

" I'm not a girl, un.", Deidara frowned.

" Riiiiight. Are you sure? Are you available on Friday?"

" I'm pretty sure I know my own gender, un."

" Ooh. Playing hard to get?"

" You crazy weirdo! How many damned times do I have to freakin' say that I'm not a fucking girl?!", Deidara shot madly & held up his fist.

" Ok, ok. Call me!", Kiba said before he closed the door.

" ARGH!", Deidara said angrily.

Kiba looked at the mysterious package. It was large. What could be inside? He looked at the tag hanging from it. It said: To Deidara from Tobi Hope you like it.

' Humph. They spelled my name wrong missing 2 letters & adding extras. Who the hell is Tobi?', he thought.

He began to get curious. He searched the box & found a note. It said:

_Instructions on How To Open This Package:_

_1. Reach out your hand & touch the box._

_2. Look for an opening._

_3. Insert your thumb or any finger of your choice inside the opening._

_4. Pull it._

_5. Look inside the box. ( this step is optional )_

_Congratulations! You have just learned how to open a box. To learn how to close it, please log on to or dial 555-I-LIKE-BOXES & look for Sweep._

Kiba followed the instructions & smiled in delight at what was inside the box.

" I'M SO HAPPY! SOMEONE NAMED TOBI GAVE ME A PIECE OF STRING!", Kiba shouted like a maniac outside his window. " I LOVE YOU WHOEVER YOU ARE!"

" See! I told you he's a maniac, un!", Deidara said to the others while pointing at Kiba. " He even asked me out, un."

" Yeah & it looks like SOMEONE ( referring to Kisame) got the wrong package.", Sasori said.

" I'll go get it.", Tobi said.

Neji, Tenten & Lee were passing by. " Look! They're having a coseplay!", Lee shouted & they went to the Akatsuki members.

" Wow. You really look like Itachi with those murderous eyes.", Lee commented.

" I AM Itachi & I WILL murder you."

" He even speaks like Itachi! How cool!"

" Ino? Is that you?", Neji asked Deidara.

" I am NOT Ino, un."

" Ino's not a guy, Neji.", Tenten said.

" At least SHE thinks I'm not a girl, un.", Deidara said turning to Sasori who looks at him with a calm face.

" Oooh! You look just like a shark! Cool!", Lee was now commenting on Kisame who was smiling happily.

" Why.. I don't know what to say.", Kisame said as Itachi rolled his eyes.

" Can you deliver this post card to my ever dearest brother?", Itachi asked Neji.

" Ok. Well, bye. Nice meeting you!", Neji said & pulled Lee & Tenten.

" Hey! What did you do that for? I wasn't done tlking with Deidara yet!", Tenten complained.

" You actually asked for his name?", Neji asked & continued when they were far from the Akatsuki members. " Anyway, I think they're not having a coseplay."

" What do you mean?", Lee asked.

" I think they really are the Akatsuki members."

" You have a point there."

" What do you suggest we do?", Tenten asked.

Neji pulled out the post card & read it. It said:

_Dear Sasuke,_

_Yeah, it's Itachi your evil brother. Mwahahhaha. Anywho, we just got a fucking white dog which Deidara named Ketchup. About the dog, it bit Sasori & Tobi wants it too. We just found out recently that it belonged to some guy named Kibab so we're visiting today & I think I'll have time to go shopping with you. So that's all. Toodles!_

_Hate, evil-brother-who-killed-our-family-Itachi-for-short_

" What the hell?", Neji said.

" Let's deliver this first to Sasuke & tell Kiba that the Akatsuki has Akamushroom.", Tenten said.

" AKAMARU!", Neji & Lee said together.

" Where?", Kiba suddenly appeared from behind.

* * *

Well...hope you like this chapter... Review! Go on... do it.


	5. Wrong Again

**A/N: **Yeah, I hope this chapter is funny...

**Like I said: **I do not own Naruto

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Chapter 5- Wrong Again

" Finally, Tobi! What took you so long?!", Kisame complained as he saw Tobi enter the dango shop. Since they were tired of waiting for Tobi they decided to eat at the nearby dango shop.

" I had to look for you guys all over Konoha! Why didn't you all just stay where you are?!", Tobi said.

" Ugh...we were hungry."

" Bored.", Deidara said.

" Impatient.", Sasori said.

" Hn.", Itachi said.

Sasori got the box from Tobi's hands. He got up from his seat so the others followed.

" You better have the right box this time!", Sasori said & they went back to Kiba's house.

Kiba's house... where Naruto was left alone until Kiba entered the house with Neji, Lee & Tenten.

" Neji, will you ever take off that chicken suit?", Naruto asked.

" Ugh... do I just go out in public wearing this?"

" Burnt pizza anyone?", Naruto said as he held up a tray containing the burnt pizza they made.

" Don't mind if I do.", Lee said as he grabbed a slice.

" Hey! Eating burnt things is bad for your health.", Tenten said.

" I brought chips!", Neji said & read the note on the bag of chips:

_Get a chance to win $ 1,000,000,000,000!!!! No purchase necessary. Details inside the bag._

And again, Kiba heard voices from outside...

" No way am I gonna be the delivery person again, un! That crazy maniac will ask me out again."

" Shut up, Deidara! We're thinking of another plan!"

" Hn."

" I got the costume!"

" What the hell?! I'm not putting that on, un."

" Did we say you'll be the one to put it on?"

" Err... no, un."

" Looks like we have a volunteer!"

" Hey! Get your hands off me, un! Why not make Tobi do it!"

" The color doesn't match with his orange mask."

" But...but..., un."

" Just climb up the roof & go down the chimney & yell 'Merry Christmas'."

" Santa's not a girl, un!"

" Hn."

" Stop complaining & put the suit on!"

" I'm calling my lawyer, un!"

" You don't have a lawyer!"

" Do you hear something?", Lee asked as he took a bite out of his slice of burnt pizza.

" No & I don't intend to.", Neji said.

" Yaaaaaa, un!", Deidara screamed as he fell down the chimney. Everyone in the house was staring at him.

" Ugh... hahaha Merry Christmas, un! Umm... here's your gift!", he handed Kiba the package.

" AAAAh! SANTA'S BLONDE!", Lee shouted.

" Shut the hell up orelse you'll get no presents, un!"

" Aaaah! SANTA'S THREATENING ME!"

" Ugh... It's in the middle of August.", Neji said.

" I do not care, chicken dude, un."

" AAAAH! SANTA HAS BAD MEMORY!"

" Deidara? Is that you?", Tenten said.

" How did you know it was me, un?"

" First of all, Santa's not blonde. Second of all, you ended your sentences with ' un'. Third of all, it's August. Fourth of all, you're cloak is peeking out & you're still wearing your head protector."

" Wow. She's good.", Neji commented.

" AAAAAAH! Santa's an Akatsuki member!"

" You came back!", Kiba said happily. " Well, where will I take you to dinner?"

" Shut the hell up you crazy maniac, un!", Deidara shouted & left the house.

Kiba looked at the box. He couldn't find any instructions on how to open it. There was a tag hanging from it. It said: To Tobi From Deidara Here's the cake you wanted...

" Cake! I love cake!", Kiba went to the window & shouted. " YOU SPELLED MY NAME WRONG! I'M NOT TOBI! BUT THANKS FOR THE CAKE!"

" My cake!", Deidara shouted. " That crazy maniac has my cake!"

" You got the wrong box again, genius.", Sasori said grimly to Tobi who was cowering in fear.

" Oops. Sorry, Sasori."

" I'll go get it this time!", Sasori said & walked away grumbling.

**Meanwhile**...inside Kiba's house...

" Yum. Cake.", Naruto took a big bite out of his slice.

" Cake...Cake...", Kiba danced like an idiot.

" AAAAH! SANTA BRAINWASHED KIBA!"

" Stop dancing like an idiot, you idiot.", Neji said.

" I cant help it! I just received two packages today from some guy named Tobi & Deidara."

" Who happen to be in the Akatsuki who currently have Akamaru in theirs hands. They're up to something.", Tenten said.

" Maybe they want a new mascot!", Neji suggested. " Or they want to poison us with cake."

" Poison?", Naruto stopped eating.

" Or maybe they want us to think that they're giving Akamaru back & they gave us the wrong boxes.", Tenten added.

" Wow. They're good.", Lee said.

" Nope, they're evil.", Neji corrected.

Suddenly, the ground started to shake & there was this weird machine-like sound coming from outside. Lee, Kiba, Neji, Naruto & Tenten hurried to the window & saw a giant bulldozer headed towards Kiba's house.

* * *

I'm getting crazy again by placing a bulldozer in the story... REVIEW! DO IT! NOW!


	6. Sunflowers

**A/N: **Yay! Finally a review! Thanks! I made this chapter a bit long. Hope it will make you laugh a lot... XD

**Like I said in the other chapters: **I don't own Naruto & I'm getting tired of writing this over & over... but I still want to write it.

* * *

Chapter 6- Sunflowers

" What the hell is that?!", Kiba shouted as the bulldozer stopped & Hinata & Shino came down from it.

" H-hi K-Kiba. W-we b-brought you a b-bulldozer to m-make you happy.", Hinata said in her usual soft voice.

" Your fate has smiled upon you today, Kiba. Even I don't receive bulldozers for losing my dog.", Neji said.

" Neji, you don't have a dog.", Lee said.

" What will I use a bulldozer for? Where did you get it anyway?", Kiba asked while poking the bulldozer with a stick.

" S-santa gave i-it to Shino last Christmas.", Hinata answered as everyone looked suprised.

" You're lucky, pal. You're lucky.", Neji said to Shino while patting his back.

" Santa gives those kind of things?", Tenten asked.

" Hey, can someone drive me to the market? I need to buy groceries.", Lee said.

" Yeah, I can drive you.", Neji said & went in the bulldozer.

" We'll come along!", Shino & Hinata said in unison.

**Outside...**

" Did you get the right one?", Kisame asked as he licked his ice cream.

Sasori glared & raised up his arm which Akamaru was biting & hanging from. " So... does anyone have a box?"

" Hey look! There's one!", Tobi said as he spotted a small rectangular box ( the one for necklaces) on the ground. He picked it up & opened it. Inside was a very very very very expensive necklace which had diamonds all over it. " Nothing in here but a worthless piece of expensive diamond necklace which can sell for millions." He got the necklace & threw it away but unfortunately it hit Neji's head.

" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! TOBI YOU IDIOT! THAT NECKLACE WAS PRICELESS!", the rest of the Akatsuki members shouted.

" Neji! Neji! Wake up before you bulldoze something!", Lee shook Neji who became unconscious.

" OMG! It's a priceless object.", Hinata held up the necklace.

" Let me see!", Shino snatched the necklace.

" I got it first!"

" So? I can have it next."

Hinata & Shino began to fight over the necklace while Lee tried to drive & ended up crushing 3 fire hydrants.

" Tobi, this necklace case is too small to fit Shikamaru.", Sasori said.

" Huh?", Shikamaru said confusingly as he was passing by.

" It's Akamaru, Say Sorry.", Kisame corrected him.

" It's Sasori, damn it."

" It's Kisame."

" I didn't even say your name!"

" You called me damn it, damn it."

" What the hell was I supposed to say, dammit?!"

" Stop confusing me Sasori Danna, un!", Deidara said as his head started to hurt from the confusion.

" Look! A treasure chest!", Tobi said as he ran to it & opened it. " Sapphires... no!", he threw them towards Kiba's house.

" OMG! It's raining Sapphires... Alleluiah!", Kiba started singing.

" Diamonds again? Don't people stuff anything good inside treasure chests?!", Tobi complained & threw them towards Kiba's house.

Sasori fainted because of Tobi's stupidity.

" OMG! Diamonds! This one's mine!", Tenten said as she grabbed all the diamonds since Naruto was chasing her for them.

" Coal! Ooooh! I'll keep this one!", Tobi said as he inserted it in his pocket. " Oooh! An Itachi plushie! Limited edition!"

" Can I have it? Can I have it?!", Kisame said. " Yay! Thanks Tobi!"

" WTF?!", Itachi said in a suprised expressionless way ( how does he do that?!).

" Deidara go buy a box from the flower shop.", Itachi ordered.

" Why me? Use your own money, un!"

" Hurry up before I destroy you."

" Fine, un."

**In the flower shop...**

" Hello? Anybody home, un?", Deidara called.

" Ino! You're finally back!", Ino's dad entered the room from a door. " What's with the costume? Ah, never mind. Put on an apron & start arranging flowers. I'll be back later... bye." He left the room.

" Now... where do they hide the boxes, un.", Deidara searched the cabinets.

While searching, Gaara entered the shop. ( dun...dun...dun...dun...)

' _WTF?! He has his own background music now, un?_', Deidara thought & gulped as he peeked from the counter.

Gaara turned off the radio beside him. " I think I know you from somewhere.", he said.

" No you don't. I was NOT the one on the clay bird & I did NOT kill you & I did NOT attack your village, un.", Deidara said as he stood up quickly. ( **A/N:** Yeah, I know Sasori was killed & Deidara lost an arm but just pretend Sasori resurrected or something & Deidara grew another arm.)

" AHA! I now know who you are!"

" Y-you do?"

" You're Dora the Explorer!"

" But Dora doesn't kill people, use clay nor attack villages, un."

" Nevermind. I'm here to buy a sunflower."

Deidara got a sunflower which Ino wrapped ahead of time & handed it to him. " What's it for, un?"

" None of your business.", he said after he paid then left the shop.

' _Back to searching_.', Deidara thought & looked around for other cabinets.

Tenten entered the door a while later. " Deidara? Since when did you get a job here?"

" Since I got mistakened for Ino, un.", he said & blushed a little. " What can I get for you, un?"

" Hmm... what do you recommend?"

" I've only had this job for about five minutes so I suggest... sunflower?", he held up a wrapped sunflower.

" Ok.", Tenten took out some money & paid for it.

" Who is it for, un?"

" A friend of mine who got hit by a diamond necklace while driving a giant bulldozer around town who is now unconscious. Yeah, it's unbelievable."

" Neji, un?"

" How did you know?!"

" Ugh... let's just say I witnessed the event, un ."

" Okey. Bye Deidara-kun.", Tenten waved & left the store.

Deidara smiled widely. ' **She called me Deidara-kun, un**.', he thought.

Kisame jumped out from behind the counter holding his Itachi plushie. " Deidara's in love! Deidara's in love!", he said teasingly as he made the plushie dance in front of Deidara's face.

" Get that thing away, un! How long have you been hiding there?"

" We don't need a box anymore. Tobi found a magic lamp & found a genie inside & Itachi brought the rest of the priceless jewels inside the chest back to our hideout."

" Tobi wished for a box, right, un?"

" What gave you that idea? He used the magic lamp to put Orochimaru in & chased the genie away."

" Did someone say my name?", Orochimaru asked as he entered the shop with Kabuto.

" Baka! It's Akamaru, un!"

" Anyway... Deidara's in loooove! Deidara's in love!", Kisame chanted.

" I shall join you in your teasing.", Orochimaru said & chanted with Kisame. " Deidara's in love! Deidara's in love!"

" ARGH! Stop it! It's annoying, un!"

Kiba entered the shop & heard their chanting. " OMG! So you do want to go out with me!!!!!! I'm so happy!!!!!!"

" What the hell are you talking about?! Not in a million years would I be in love with a crazy maniac like you, un!"

" Then who is he in love with?", Kabuto asked Kisame.

" Her name starts with a ' T '."

" Tobi?"

" Waaah! You like Tobi better than me! We are over!", Kiba said before leaving the store.

" I said ' her ' "

" Tenten! Deidara's in love! Deidara's in love!"

" I feel like I'm surrounded by crazy people, un."

" Everybody run! Ino's coming!", Kabuto warned & everyone ran out of the shop.

**Wherever Sasori is...**

" Finally! What took you all so long?", Sasori said impatiently.

" You wouldn't believe a thing, un.", Deidara said wearily.

Tobi nudged him & whispered, " I heard you like me."

" Did the crazy maniac tell you that, un?"

" Nope. My rival did."

" Who's your rival, un?"

" Kiba."

" He IS the crazy maniac, un!"

" Oh. So... you don't like me?"

" No...BUT TOBI IS A GOOD BOY FOR BECOMING RIVALS WITH KIBA, un!"

" Yay!"

" Ok, now cut the crap & Deidara, go deliver that lamp."

" Sasori Danna? What's that you're holding, un?"

" Your costume. Mwahahahaha!"

" NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

I'll give you a hint for the costume... it's something big & purple & full of love. Some hint... I made it obvious.

Review!!!!!!! I need to see if you find it funny!!!!! XD

**Note to self:** ... I'm crazy.


	7. Lost Itachi Plushie

**A/N: **Yay! Thanks for the reviews! You guys are the best! So I made this chapter longer than the last one.

**Everybody ( except the real owner) says: **I do not own Naruto

**Some people add: **But I would love to own it.

**So I say:** Ugh... Happy New Year?

* * *

Chapter 7- Lost Itachi Plushie

**Ding Dong! Knock Knock!** " OPEN THE FREAKIN' DOOR ALREADY, un!"

Kiba opened the door & found Deidara in a Barney suit. " Kawaii! So... did you decide that you wanted me back???"

" NO! I came here to deliver to you a magic lantern from lala land, un.", he handed the lamp to Kiba.

" Oooh. Sing me a Barney song! Sing me one! Pleeeeeeeeeease."

"_ I hate you, you like me, don't you dare make fun of me or I'll kick your ass & throw you out the door. I can't take this anymore, un."_

" Yay! I'll invite you for my birthday, ok? Bye!", Kiba said before Deidara slammed the door behind him.

Kiba looked at the lamp. ' _Hmm... no instruction manual._', he thought. He went to the phone & dialed 555-I-LIKE-BOXES.

" Hello? Orochimaru speaking."

" Hey, Orochimaru shit. I need to fucking use the damn crappy phone."

" Not now, Tayuya. I'm speaking to someone right now."

" Yeah, I need to know how to open a magic lamp."

" Rub it, genius."

" Ok. Thanks!"

He rubbed the magic lamp & it poofed out Akamaru.

" Orochimaru! I missed you!"

" What do you want now?!", Orochimaru said from the other line. Kiba realized he said the wrong name & forgot to put down the phone. So he hung up.

" Wait a second! The Akatsuki are up to something. Maybe they want me to think that they are giving me Akamaru but maybe this Akamaru is not the real Akamaru! Wow. Those guys are good."

**Outside...**

" Finally! I can now go home & watch soap operas.", Sasori said as everyone looked at him weirdly." I mean ---- I can now go home & construct long lasting puppets which will be of use to me in the future & argue with Deidara about art."

" WAIT! We can't go home yet!", Kisame said. " I can't find my Itachi plushie!"

" Whoever wants to help him, do it! I'm leaving.", Sasori said.

" Tobi, you'll help me, right?"

" Tobi has dentist appointment."

" Deidara..."

" Err... um... ok, fine, un."

" Yay!"

" So... where was the last time you saw it, un?"

" In the internet cafe."

" You went to an internet cafe, un?!"

" Yeah, I was reading fanfictions."

" What are those, un?"

" They're stories made by fans of certain characters which are copyrighted or something. ( **A/N:** Sorry, I'm just bad at explaining things)"

" They actually wrote stuff about us! Gasp, un!"

" I know! No wait... I last saw it while I was walking."

" Ugh... that'll be hard to find but I know a person who can help us!"

Deidara pulled Kisame towards the hospital & was suddenly stopped by a red headed kazekage wearing an cute little easter bunny costume while carrying a large bag. ( Kyaaaaa... XD)

" I am the easter bunny. Hear me roar.", Gaara said.

" Err... Gaara? Are you ok?", Kisame waved his hand in front of Gaara's face.

" I'm just delivering plushies!!!!!!"

" AAAAH! He's drunk!"

" How do you know if he's drunk, un?????"

" He's not psyco anymore! AAAAH!"

" I'm not drunk you bastard. My sister made me sell all these plushies she & Kankurou made."

" OOOH! Do you have one of me, un?"

" Yeah. Anything else?"

" How about an Itachi plushie???"

" Dude, that thing's limited edition. It's like... rare."

" Do you have one of Kisame, You, Sasori, Tobi, Neji, Akamaru & Tenten?"

" Yep! That will be... $ 500,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. But we're having a sale right now so... it's only for $ 1.", Gaara said as he held out a calculator. Deidara paid him. " Thank you & have a nice day."

" Now come on, Kisame, un.", Deidara pulled Kisame again towards the hospital.

" _I like shorts. Do you like shorts? Deidei hates shorts cause Kisa likes shorts_."

" Kisa, stop singing, un."

" _Deidei is mad cause I like shorts. Kisa likes shorts cause Deidei hates shorts_."

" Stop singing & stop calling me Deidei, un!"

**In the hospital...**

" Here's some chicken soup, Neji.", Lee said as he spoonfed him.

" AAAAH! More chickens!", Neji said in horror. " I can't take chickens!"

" Yeah, you're unlucky today. You got ran over by chickens just when you were released from the hospital."

" I just dreamt of being attacked by chickens."

Tenten entered the room. " I'll cheer you up, Neji! Here's a joke: Why did the chicken cross the road?"

" AAAAH! I'm not listening...nananana.", Neji covered his ears.

" Neji, stop acting like a chicken!"

Suddenly the door exploded.

" My bad, un.", Deidara said as he & Kisame went in the room.

" We need to ask you a favor.", Kisame said.

" What kind? Does it involve destruction? Or chickens? Or Naruto?", Neji asked.

" Nope. Can you use your Byakugan to find my lost Itachi plushie?"

' _Maybe that's what they want me to think. Maybe it's actually a bomb. Maybe they're using me to cause destruction to Konoha!!!!!_', Neji thought.

" No.", Neji said firmly.

" Kisa, sing that annoying song will you, un?"

" _I like shorts. Does Neji like shorts? Shorts like Neji cause Neji likes shorts_."

" STOP SINGING! AAAH! MY EARS!", Neji screamed.

" _Shorts like Deidei but Deidei hates shorts. Kisa likes shorts cause Deidei hates shorts_."

" ALRIGHT! I GIVE UP! YOU WIN!"

" KISA! Stop calling me Deidei, un!"

" But Deidara is three syllables! It'll ruin my song!"

" Deidei sounds cute for you.", Tenten said as Deidara blushed.

" Anyway... BYAKUGAN!", Neji activated it & saw the Itachi plushie with Moegi. " Moegi has it. I think she found it on the floor or something."

" Let's go, Deidei!", Kisame pulled Deidara & ran to find Moegi.

" Moegi!!!!!! You have my lost Itachi plushie!", Kisame ran to Moegi.

" What makes you think I'll give it to you right away?", she asked while holding on to the Itachi plushie.

" What do you mean?"

" This thing is priceless & is a limited edition plushie. You'll have to get through me first!"

Hinata, Shino & Konohamaru were passing by & heard everything. Hinata, who became filthy rich from the diamond necklace she got with Shino so they decided to use the money to host a show, ordered the others to stop.

" We found our contestants!!!!", she shouted. " Anywho, here's the deal: you both become contestants for our new show & the winner gets the plushie. "

" Deal!", Moegi & Kisame shouted.

" Now... the name of our show is... The Not-So Amazing Race with some dancing!", Hinata said dramatically as everyone looked at her with bored expressions. " What?"

" What's with the sucky title?", Kisame asked.

" Yeah. It sucks, un."

" I agree!", Moegi said.

" Ugh! Fine! I'll work on a better title."

**Back in Kiba's house...**

" Sorry Kiba. Err... we kinda broke your bulldozer.", Lee apologized & handed him a flower.

" Where is the corpse?"

" In the junk shop."

" NOOOOO!", Kiba cried dramatically.

" I'm sorry it had to end this way.", Lee also said dramatically.

" WILL YOU PEOPLE JUST SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO WATCH A SOAP OPERA HERE!", Sasori called from Kiba's room.

" Sasori???? What the hell are you doing in my house?", Kiba shouted.

" First of all, Sir Leader got to the TV first then Itachi was gone so I came here instead to invade your home & watch soap operas. Disturb me & you get amputated."

The soap opera shown on TV was suddenly stopped by another show called " Insert Title Here!"

" Hello all you TV viewers! I'm Hinata your host. Your soap opera marathon is cancelled because of our new show!", Hinata said on TV.

" NOOOOOOO!", Sasori shouted. " The horror!"

" Anywho, thanks to our contestants for their contribution, they will go through challenges to win the Itachi plushie. Wheee!"

Sasori switched the channel.

" I will kill that shark dude.", he mumbled & realized that Itachi was on TV in a talk show.

" So, what's your problem?", the host asked Itachi.

" My shark friend is obsessed with me."

" OMG."

Sasori switched the channel again & this time it was Deidara on Art Attack.

"... & that's how you make a giant clay bird which destroys things. That's it for today & next time, we'll be making exploding pandas. HI SASORI DANNA! I'M ON TV!"

He switched the channel again. This time, Naruto is on 30 hour Meals & Rachel Ray was missing.

" Hi! I'm Naruto & I make 30 hour meals. The time its gonna take you to watch this program, I'll make a delicious & burnt meal from start to finish. Quick easy & extremely satisfying. Your cooking show in real time. A burnt meal is always more than 30 hours away.", Naruto said.

He switched the channel once more. Now it was Orochimaru Factors ( Fear Factor ).

" Will you go this far for one million dollars? If so, dial 148-OROCHIMARU-IS-DA-BEST-SNAKE-EVER & look for Kabuto.", Orochimaru said.

Then there was a commercial with Gaara in a cute little bunny costume. " Buy my plushies...ORELSE!"

" Give it to us for free orelse we'll hug you!", the fangirls said.

" AAAAH! They're horrible I tell you! Horrible!", Gaara shouted as he was dragged off by them.

Then the TV was on standby mode. " Government warning: Fangirls are dangerous to your health.", a voice said.

Sasori switched off the TV & looked at Kiba & Lee. " Go on, continue your drama. There's nothing good on TV anymore."

* * *

Well, that's chapter 7. Hope it makes you laugh hysterically. Don't forget to review!!!! XD


	8. Insert Title Here

**A/N: **Yay! Reviews! Thanks! &...

**Beware: **Fangirls are scary.

**Because: **They just are.

**No really: **They are.

* * *

Chapter 8- Insert Title Here

" Hi all you shitty bastards! I'm Tayuya! Your new host!", Tayuya said.

" AAAH! The bad words! They burn!", Lee said as he...ugh...burned.

" Where's Hinata?", Shino asked.

" She...um...left. So anyway, your first fucking challenge is to dance. The best dancer wins this damned challenge."

" But... I don't know how to dance.", Kisame said & pouted.

" Shut up & choose a partner."

Moegi chose Konohamaru. " Deidara?", Kisame turned to him.

" I'm not coming out, un.", he said from inside the easter clay egg.

" Why?"

" Three reasons: 1. I'm wearing a panda costume. 2. No way am I gonna dance with someone who doesn't know how. 3. You'll step on my feet, un."

" Aww... come on! Neji is wearing a chicken suit & Gaara is wearing an easter bunny costume."

" No, un. Ask Neji."

" Neji! You're my partner!", he grabbed Neji without asking him.

" WHAT?!"

" I'll sing the shorts song again if you won't."

" Sure...ok...I'll be your partner."

**On the dance floor...**

" Ouch! My feet! They're bruised.", Neji said in the middle of dancing.

" Shut up & keep dancing, chicken dude!", Kisame shouted.

" Now it's time to dance the swing!", Shino announced.

" NOOOOO!", Neji shouted as Kisame tried to swing him but unfortunately he was able to throw Neji into the air.

" Look! Up in the sky!", Shino said.

" It's a bird!", Lee said.

" It's our dinner!", Tenten said.

" It's----", Neji landed on Kiba. " Neji."

" This is bad! We need to make Kisame win this challenge orelse I can't watch soap operas anymore. Do something about it, Deidara!", Sasori said as he broke Deidara's clay egg in half.

" You mean like cheat, un?", Deidara said as he got up.

" Whatever. Just make this show stop."

Deidara grabbed the microphone from Tayuya & sang, "_ Kisa like shorts. Do you like shorts? I hate shorts cause Kisa likes shorts, un._"

" My favorite song!", Kisame squealed & danced like crazy.

" Give me back my microphone you shitty bastard you!", Tayuya kicked Deidara.

" The winner is... Moegi! She dances better & does not dance like a maniac.", Shino said.

" WHAT DID YOU SAY?!", Sasori said & started attacking Shino.

" I didn't know you like the song, Deidara. Now I'll sing it to you everyday for the rest of your life!", Kisame said.

" NOOOOOOOOOO, un!"

" Oh yeah, sing ' I have Two Hands' with actions."

" Why, un?"

" Just do it."

" _I have two hands... the left & the right. Hold them up high so clean & bright. Clap them slowly one_ ----", Deidara's hands were stuck to each other. " What the hell?! Kisame you bastard! I can't get my hands apart, un. I can't believe you found a way to make the mouths in my hand make out, un."

" HA! That's for not being my partner!"

" Now challenge number 2! Annoy Itachi!", Hinata appeared out of nowhere carrying shopping bags.

" That's my talent!", Kisame said & went to Itachi. " Hi Itachi!"

" YAAAAAAAAA! My eye! The sight of you is stronger than my Sharingan!", Itachi said. " I'm legally blind."

" What? You're legally blonde?"

" Shut up, Kisame! I'm already very annoyed with your presence & you had to make it worse."

" Can you get me the Itachi plushie, then?"

" Sure.", he said & grabbed it from the stand then gave it to Kisame. " Show's over!"

" OMG! IT'S ITACHI!!!!! HE'S SOOO HOT!", a fangirl shouted & screamed. " Kyaaaaa!"

" Shut the hell up.", he said.

" OMG! HE TOLD ME TO SHUT UP!", she said & screamed. " NOW I LOVE HIM EVEN MORE!!!!"

" TELL ME TO SHUT UP NEXT!", another fangirl said.

" NO! ME!", another one appeared.

" Evaporate or I'll destroy you.", he hissed.

" KYAAAAAA! HE'S SO CUTE WHEN HE WANTS TO KILL US!"

" Destroy me first!!!!"

Itachi killed one of them.

" OMG!!!!!! SHE'S SO LUCKY TO BE KILLED BY ITACHI! KYAAAAA!!!!"

" Crazy fangirls.", Itachi said.

" OMG! HE JUST COMPLEMENTED ME!!!!!! KYAAAAA!"

" NO! IT WAS ME HE COMPLEMENTED!!!"

" MY SHOW IS RUINED!!!!!", Hinata wailed.

" Can someone help me, un?", Deidara asked.

" You look like an angelic panda.", Gaara commented.

Deidara realized his hands were in prayer position. " So can you please help me separate my hands???"

" Oh, alright."

**The next day...**

" Can we go home now?", Sasori asked.

" You go ahead, un. I need to pick up Tobi."

" Translation: You need to ask Tenten out.", Kisame said & nudged him.

" Whatever, I'm going home.", Sasori said. " Don't do anything stupid to interrupt my viewing of television."

**In the hospital...**

" I'm thirsty. I think I'll use that new hospital service hotline.", Neji said & picked up the phone.

" Hello & welcome to Hospital hotline. Press 1 if you're hungry Press 2 if you need help Press 3 if you're thirsty...", the voice said & Neji pressed 3.

" Press 1 if you want water Press 2 if you want a soda Press three if you want juice...", Neji pressed 1.

" Press 1 if you want bottled Press 2 if you want tap water Press three if you want fresh water...", he pressed 1.

" Press 1 if you want it flavored Press 2 if you want it purified Press 3 if you...", he pressed 2.

" Press 1 if you want it now Press 2 if...", Neji got tired & placed down the phone.

" Neji? You want some water?", Tenten asked. She carried a glass of water.

" Yes! Please."

" Hello, un?", Deidara said while peeking in the room.

" DEIDARA! HELP ME! I THINK AKAMARU IS CONTAMINATING ME!", Kisame said pointing to Akamaru who was biting his sleeve.

" Nonesense! Why would he be contaminating with you, un?"

" AKAMARU!", Kiba shouted when he saw Akamaru with Kisame. " Get your filthy hands off my woman--- I mean ---- dog!"

" I am the terror that lurks in your bathtub! Bwahahahhahahhah!"

" Dude, I don't have a bathtub. We use the shower at my house."

" Hn.", Itachi said.

" Itachi!!!! Where did you come from????", Kisame said.

" My mom's womb... dugh."

" OMG! IT'S ITACHI!!!!!! KYAAAAAAAAAA!", the Itachi Club Leader ( ICL for short ) squealed. Fangirls started appearing from all directions.

" ITACHI! MARRY ME!", one screamed.

" No! MARRY ME!"

" Hn.", Itachi said.

" KYAAAAAAA!"

" Itachiiii! Get rid of these fangirls will ya? I'm starting to suffocate!", Kisame said from the crowd of screaming fangirls.

" Hn."

" What do you mean ' Hn ' is that a yes or a no?????", he raised his voice.

" HOW DARE YOU RAISE YOUR VOICE IN THE PRESENCE OF ITACHI!", the ICL said.

" DON'T YOU 'HOW DARE YOU' ME YOU CRAZY FANGIRL YOU!"

" Huh, un?", Deidara said. " Whaaaat?"

" I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ON WHAT YOU SAY YOU SHARK!"

" GIRLS! ATTACK THAT IDIOT!"

The fangirls attacked & wrapped up Neji.

" NOT THAT IDIOT! THE SHARK! YOU CALL YOURSELVES FANGIRLS????"

" Sir yes sir!", they said & saluted then wrapped up Kisame.

" We'll be holding them for randsom. Adios!", she & the army of freaky fangirls left.

" WAIT!!!! AKAMARU IS STILL STUCK ON KISAME!", Kiba shouted but they ignored him. " Damn fangirls."

" Told ya they're horrible.", Gaara said from under Neji's bed.

* * *

Yay! That's chapter 8! Hope you enjoy the crazy evil fangirls who are crazy about Itachi. Thanx & review! XD 


	9. Fangirls Are Scary

**A/N: **Here's another crazy chapter!!!! I'm not sure if I can update fast anymore since Christmas vacation is almost over. So, that means I can only update once a week once school starts. Anywho, enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 9- Fangirls Are Scary

" _Kisa likes shorts, do you like shorts? No one likes shorts cause Kisa likes shorts._ ", Kisame sang while the fangirls were slowly being vaporized by the song. He & Neji were tied to a chair.

" Shut up!", the ICL said while holding up a fist.

" Yeah, Kisame. You've been singing for an hour already.", Neji ,whose ears were stinging, said.

The ITC stood up & headed for the door." I'm locking you both up in this room. GIRLS! LEAVE THE ROOM & STUDY ITACHIOLOGY!"

" Sir yes sir", the fangirls saluted & left the room immediately. The last girl to leave slammed the door behind her & locked it.

" I've got a plan!", Neji whispered to Kisame.

" What?"

" Use Akamaru to bite off the rope!"

Kisame ordered Akamaru to bite the rope. But nooooooo he wanted to keep biting Kisa's sleeve so Kisame bit the rope himself & freed them.

" Why didn't you do that earlier?!", Neji asked angrily.

" Hello? I was busy singing."

" Anyway, there's a phone here so we can call."

Kisame got the phone & dialed 555-I-LIKE-BOXES. While Neji positioned his ear near the phone to hear the other line.

" Hello? Welcome to the psycic hotline... I'm Madame Orochimaru who knows all, sees all & tells all for a price."

" Psycic hotline?"

" I mean--- welcome to fangirls exterminating agency hotline. How may I help you?"

" Wrong again."

" Then what did you call for???"

" How to open a locked door! 555-I-LIKE-BOXES"

" Oh. THAT one."

" How many hotlines do you have?"

" Over a hundred."

" No wonder you're confused."

Neji snatched the phone from Kisame. " Anyway, did you say fangirls exterminating agency hotline?"

" Ugh...yeah."

" Come over here at blah blah blah ( the blah blah thing is the address). We seriously need to exterminate all these fangirls."

" Ok."

" Charge it to Miss Itachi Club Leader Sir ( weird name, huh?). Ok, bye."

Neji hung up & searched his pocket. He pulled out a tiny scroll.

" What are you doing?"

Neji smirked & answered," Summoning."

**Back at the hospital...**

" We need to work together to destroy those fangirls, un.", Deidara gave a speech.

" Two of us against like a hundred fangirls?", Tenten asked.

" Where's Itachi, un?"

" He left."

" Gaara, your joining us, right, un?"

" Dude, they're scary. You'd have to be crazy to go against them.", he said from under the bed. " Why do you think I'm hiding in here?"

" Ok, what do you suggest, un?"

" Wanna cower in fear with me?"

" They may be scary but I'm crazy, un!", Deidara paused. " Wait... that's not right."

" Err... I think you guys better take a look at this...", Tenten said as she pointed to the TV.

" We interrupt this program for a live report. A giant chicken was recently spotted attacking crazy Itachi fangirls. We don't know why it's here but there seems to be a shark & some guy in a chicken suit riding the giant chicken. All shows will be cancelled due to this incident.", the reporter said on TV.

" We have got to stop this...", Tenten pulled Deidara & Gaara out of the hospital.

**Kiba's house...**

" NOOOOOOOOOO! The horror! My soap operas are cancelled--- again!!!!", Sasori screamed.

" Sasori? What the hell are you doing in my house this time?", Kiba demanded.

" Same reasons."

He switched the channel & saw Itachi on the same talk show.

" So, what's your problem this time...", the host asked holding the microphone near Itachi.

" I killed a fangirl."

" Oh no you didn't!"

" I did."

Sasori switched the TV off.

" Hey! I was watching!", Kiba said & placed his hands on his hips.

**On the giant chicken...**

" Nejiiiii! Are you sure you've got this thing under control?", Kisame asked as the chicken ran directly towards the administration building really really fast.

" Sorry. I lied a while ago about being the one controlling this chicken."

" YOU GUYS ARE SOOOO IN BIG TROUBLE!", the ICL said. She was hanging from the tail feathers of the chicken.

" You again?!", Kisame said the moment he saw her.

" DON'T YOU 'YOU AGAIN' ME YOU!"

" & DON'T YOU ' DON'T YOU YOU AGAIN ME YOU' YOU!"

" DON'T YOU 'DON'T YOU YOU AGAIN ME YOU PEOPLE' EVER STOP SAYING DON'T YOU YOU AGAIN ME YOU?!", Neji shouted.  
( You really want to understand what they're saying?)

" We're gonna crash!", the ICL wailed.

" Don't worry Itachi, we're in this together.", Kisame said as he hugged his Itachi plushie.

" OMG! You have the limited edition Itachi plushie!", the ICL said as she grabbed the plushie.

" Hey! It's mine!", Kisame snatched it back. " Did the evil club leader hurt you, Itachi? Yeah, I know she's scary."

" Hey! We're about to crash & all you can think about is your stupid plushie???", Neji shouted.

" ITACHI IS NOT STUPID!!!!! HOW DARE THEE!", Kisame & the ICL said together. They started to choke Neji.

" I'm soorry!", Neji said.

They were about to crash until... the chicken stopped at its path & was headed for Deidara who was wearing a corn costume.

" I'm not letting you eat me you giant chicken you, un.", he threw a clay panda at the chicken & made it explode. Then...they had chicken for dinner at Kiba's house!!!!!!

" What the hell are you all doing in my house?!", Kiba said when he found the akatsuki members ( Sasori, Deidara, Itachi, Kisame & Tobi), Neji, Gaara & Tenten invading his home.

" Having dinner.", Tobi answered.

" Finally! I can watch soap operas in peace.", Sasori drew a sigh of relief.

Then suddenly, the lights & the TV went out. Everything was in darkness.

" There's been a blackout, Sasori Danna, un.", Deidara said from the kitchen.

" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!", Sasori shouted & headed for the phone. He dialed the number for the electric corporation.

" Hello? Orochimaru speaking. How may I help you?"

" Yeah, we have a complaint."

" Oh. You'll have to e-mail us for a complaint. This line is for serious stuff only.", he hung up.

" HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO E-MAIL WITH NO ELECTRICITY, DAMMIT?!"

" Don't worry! We can go camping!", Neji said happily.

" AAAAH! THE SCARY FANGIRLS FOUND US!", Gaara shouted looking out the window.

" WE WANT KISAME!!!!!!", they shouted.

" Wow. They want me! They really want me!", Kisame said as tears of joy fell from his eyes. He went out to meet his " fans".

" Here I am girls!", he said. The ICL hit his head with a newspaper. " OUCH! I thought you liked me????"

" We're here to beat the hell out of you! Thanks to you & the exterminating crew you hired, we're all injured & bankrupt!"

" WAIT? I DIDN'T DO THAT! IT WAS NEJI!"

" It's bad to blame others for your mistakes.", Neji said while smirking. He was getting revenge for the things Kisame did to him. " Have fun."

Itachi went out to see what was happening.

" OMG! ITACHI!", a fangirl tried to glomp him but Itachi hit her & made her have a bump on her forehead. " KYAAAA! I WILL TREASURE THIS BUMP FOREVERMORE!!!!!"

" Girl, you are lucky!", the fangirl beside her said. " I envy you."

" Leave now orelse.", he said.

" OMG! HE'S THREATENING US! Man is he hot.", another fangirl said. " KYAAAAAAA!"

Itachi was really annoyed so... he posed & all the scary fangirls fainted from his ' Itachi-ness'.

* * *

Ok, I realized this chapter is crazy. Hmm... I think I have an idea for the next one. - smirks-

Don't forget to review!!!!


	10. Itachi's Diary

**A/N: **I hope you'll enjoy this chapter... XD ( What? I don't know what else to say!)

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Chapter 10- Itachi's Diary

Sasori yawned & started to open his eyes slowly. " YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", he screamed when he realized Tobi was sleeping on top on him like a cat.

" Mornin', Sasori Danna! You passed out last night & so we had to carry you all the way to our hideout, un.", Deidara said when he heard him scream.

" Deidara! Get him off me!!!!", Sasori tried to push Tobi away but he clung to him like hugging a teddy bear.

" He's your problem, un."

Sir Leader kicked the door open. " SASORI! WHAT HAVE YOU & THE OTHERS BEEN DOING???? DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT CAPTURE NARUTO????"

" Oops."

" That's it! I'm sending Kakuzu along with you."

" Why him????"

" Because he's the only one left who has nothing to do."

The phone rang & Deidara answered it. " Hello, un?"

" It's Orochimaru. Would you like to accept a job offering---"

" NO, un!", he placed down the phone.

It rang again so he picked it up again.

" Aww, come on. It will be easy. All you have to do---", he placed down the phone except this time it was like slamming it.

It rang again so he picked it up again.

" Hello? Is this the Pizza Place?", the voice on the other line sounded like Tobi's.

" TOBI? Why the hell are you calling when we're in the same hideout, un?"

" Deidara? I didn't know you worked in the Pizza Place."

" Wrong number, un.", he placed down the phone.

It rang again so he picked it up AGAIN.

" Please, please. Accept it. You'll just be giving advices---", he slammed down the phone.

It rang once more so he got really irritated & picked it up, " WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT NOW, un?!"

" Deidara? Are you ok?", Tenten asked from the other line.

" I mean--- Hi! I ugh--- thought you were an evil snaky friend of mine, un."

" Anyway, I just called to say hi. Ok, bye.", she hung up so he placed down the phone.

Meanwhile, Kisame was busy cleaning Itachi's room for some reason. While dusting his cabinet, he stumbled upon a black book. He picked it up & opened it & gasped.

" Deidara! Get over here!", Kisame called.

" What do you want, un?", Deidara said when he went in the room.

" I found Itachi's diary!", he replied & held up the expressionless mysterious black diary.

" Yeah, like you'll find something good in there, un.", Deidara said believing that Itachi was really expressionless.

Kisame opened it & read the first entry.

_Dear Expressionless mysterious black diary,_

_Today is the day I joined Akatsuki. I met this fish headed freak named Kisame. He keeps following me a lot. Plus, our leader assigned him to me as my partner..._

" FISH HEADED FREAK?!", Kisame shouted.

" See, I told you you won't find anything good in there, un."

Kisame read the next entry...

_Dear expressionless mysterious black diary,_

_Hi. I'm Uchicha Itachi. I'm evil. Oh so evil.I like burning stuff. But deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep down, ... I feel like dancing._

" FREAKY", Deidara & Kisame commented together like demented people.

They read another entry,...

_Dear expressionless mysterious black diary,_

_I met this blonde haired girl today. She keeps ending her sentences in " un". She likes art a lot. She is also pretty. Oh so pretty. She likes making exploding clay figures. She would look cute, oh so cute in a barney costume. P.S. I think I have a crush on her._

" WHAT THE HELL????!!!!!, un.", Deidara shouted really loud.

" Like you said, you won't find anything good in there."

They read the next entry after that...

Dear expressionless mysterious black diary,

OMG! I just found out that Diandra is a guy!!!!!!! I can't get over it. Waaaah! I am sad. Oh so sad.

" I'M NOT DIANDRA, un!"

" Let's read the last entry..."

_Dear expressionless mysterious black diary ( I'm tired. Oh so tired of writing that),_

_I hate fangirls. I'd rather have Kisame than those fangirls. Oh yeah, Kisame's Itachi plushie is really cute & handsome like me. ( Poses & smiles)_

" YAAAAAY! HE'D RATHER HAVE ME THAN THOSE FANGIRLS!", Kisame cheered.

" Let's read another entry from the middle, un..."

_Dear expressionless mysterious black diary ( I'm tired. Oh so tired of writing that),_

_I have a secret. Shhh! Don't tell. I'd be so humiliated if someone ( especially Kisame & Deidara)..._

Kisame & Deidara paused to look at each other & smirk. Then went on reading...

_...would find out what my secret was. Anyway, I wrote it down on a teeny tiny piece of paper & placed it inside a small bottle. I also placed in some beads to make it pretty. Oh so pretty._

" Hey. He didn't say where he placed it.", Kisame said & turned the page to read the next entry...

Dear expressionless mysterious black diary ( I'm tired. Oh so tired of writing that),

OMG! I accidentally placed it inside Orochimaru's favorite bag. I hope he doesn't see it nor find it.

" Come on Deidara, let's find Orochimaru & raid his bag.", Kisame said & closed the diary.

" Wait a second, let's accept the job he's offering then we'll raid his bag when he's not looking, un."

" OK."

There...

" Yay!", Orochimaru clapped his hands like a perky person. " Ok. Your job is to answer the phone calls & predict something."

" Predict something?"

" Yeah, shark boy."

" What do you mean?"

" You predict their future. You're working in our Madame Orochimaru's Psycic Hotline."

" What if it doesn't come true?"

" Just make sure you don't make your predictions specific."

So...

" Is Orochimaru leaving, yet?", Kisame whispered to Deidara.

" Nope, un."

" How are we supposed to raid his bag?"

" I dunno. I brought the diary along, un."

Kisame's phone rang so he picked it up & blurted out, " Someone will read your diary."

" Hn.", the voice on the other line sounded like Itachi's.

" Itachi?"

" I'll go check if my diary is still in its place.", he hung up.

" Deidara!!!!! WE'RE DOOOMED!"

" What, un?!"

" We need to get back there before Itachi realizes we took his diary.", Kisame said & pulled Deidara.


	11. Itachi's Diary is Haunted

**A/N: **Sorry for taking so long to update. I had a lot of things to do. Anywho, enjoy the story!

* * *

Chapter 11- Itachi's Diary is Haunted

" NOOOOOO! WE'RE TOO LATE!!!!!", Kisame shouted in horror when they arrived at the hideout. " Itachi we're really sorry we took your diary."

Itachi raised his brow. " But my diary is right there.", he pointed to his diary which was on his bed. It WAS the diary. ( When you read the the word WAS, don't forget to widen your eyes)

" Wasn't the diary in your bag?", Kisame whispered to Deidara.

" It WAS. But now it's not, un.", Deidara said as he rummaged through his bag. " He has one freaky diary, un."

**What REALLY happened...**

" Run faster Deidara! You run so slow!", Kisame shouted at Deidara who was VERY far away ahead of him.

" YOU'RE the one who runs so slow, un.", Deidara looked back & held up a fist making him distracted so he got hit by a tree then the diary flew into the air. Bye-bye diary.

It flew all the way to Hidden Sand where Temari was practicing. Then it got hit by the large strong wind she made & flew back to the hideout into Itachi's room.

THE END

Naruto closed the big fat book, " So, you like my story about Kisame & Deidara getting Itachi's diary?" ( **A/N:** I know you're confused. You are? YAY! I knew it! Anywho, the what really happened part really did happen. It also happens that Naruto was narrating a story to Neji & Kiba which really was happening to Kisame & Deidara. You're still confused? Yay! I knew it!)

" Naruto, it is impossible for a diary to fly all the way from Konoha to Hidden Sand then back again.", Neji pointed out. " Right, Kiba?"

" SNORE", Kiba snored.

" See, Kiba agrees with me."

" It might happen someday.", Naruto defended his side. " You just never know."

" Riiiiiiight."

**Back in the Akatsuki Hideout...**

When Itachi was nowhere in sight, the two curious Akatsuki members walked over to the diary. It looked normal if YOU looked at it, but since it's NOT you looking at it, I'd say the diary looked like it had an evil mind of its own if Kisame & Deidara were to look at it.

" Is it haunted?", Kisame asked. " Quick! Poke it with a stick."

" No way, you do it, un!"

" Why me?"

" That's the same thing I said when you guys forced me into the costumes, un."

" Fine, I'll go get a stick."

The phone rang & Deidara answered it.

" This is your boss speaking."

" Who's my boss, un?"

" It's OROCHIMARU! Why did you leave work?"

" For certain reasons, un."

" Ok, you're fired."

" Ok, bye, un."

" Wait, I'm not done ----", Deidara hung up before he was able to continue.

" I found a stick with Sasori attached to it.", Kisame pulled Sasori in the room.

" That's my arm you're holding, genius.", Sasori said roughly.

" Sasori Danna! We need you to poke Itachi's diary, un."

" What for?"

" To know if it's evil, un."

" Let's throw it out the window!", Tobi said.

" Tobi? How did you get in here?", Sasori asked.

" I forgot.", he said & threw Itachi's diary out the window.

" What did you do that for?!", Kisame asked.

" If it's really evil, it will come back on its own."

" He has a point there, un."

" & what will we tell Itachi if it doesn't come back?", Sasori asked.

" Ugh... a wild boar ate it up?"

The door swung open making everyone in the room turn to Itachi who just went in.

" Why are you all in my room?", Itachi asked & folded his arms.

" We needed a place to hold a gravely essential business meeting & we found your room extremely perfect to use as a monotonous mind-numbing conference room, un.", Deidara lied.

" Get out of my room."

" I'm not done yet, un."

" NOW.", the last one made everyone leave the room in fear.

" Tobi! You better get that diary back!", Kisame shouted & noticed that Tobi fell asleep on the floor.

" TOBI! WAKE UP!", he shook Tobi hard but he still kept on sleeping. " Sasori! Use your freakishly long arm to wake him up!"

" He's not my problem.", Sasori said & left.

**Back in Konoha... In the Hyuuga compound...**

" I can't find the instructions on this box.", Neji said while looking around the box.

" Maybe it's on the bottom of the box.", Naruto said.

Neji turned the box upside down & read what was written at the bottom: Do not turn upside down.

" Grr. Now it's spoiled.", Neji said.

" What's inside anyway?"

" I dunno with Hinata.", Neji ripped the top of the box & read what was written on the inside of the box: Do not rip top.

" Grr.", Neji pulled out the packet inside & read what was written on the packet: Do not expose packet to air.

" Grr. I must be really stupid."

" No, you're just intellectually impaired."

" Hey you guys! I just found my nii-san's diary!", Sasuke ran to them waving Itachi's diary in the air.

" Oh speak to me, Obe One! ( A/N: How do you spell the guy in star wars's name?)", Neji shouted dramatically with his knees bent down & his arms raised up.

" What's wrong with Hyuuga?", Sasuke asked.

" A box poisoned his logical way of thinking.", Naruto said ' intellectually'.

Sasuke walked over to Neji & placed his hand on Neji's shoulder. " I understand. "

" Read us an entry from your brother's diary!", Naruto said.

" Ok..."

_Dear Expressionless---- AAH! It's too long to write,_

_Today, I realized Tobi is stupid. He just found the Holy Grail then Hidan wanted it but Tobi threw it away. Hidan was like, " I'll kill you!". Tobi was all like," Huh? Did you say something?". I was all like, " Hn.". Deidara was all like, " Yeah.". Kisame was like, " I like shorts...". Kakuzu was like, " You owe me 500!!!!!" Then we were all like... dude._

" What the hell did we just fill our minds with?", Naruto asked.

**Outside...**

" Can you see it?", Deidara asked Kisame who was on top of him.

" SNORE", Tobi snored.

" Yeah. They were all like ' Speak to me Obe One!'. Naruto was all like, ' What the hell?' & I was like... dude.", Kisame replied.

" Hi. I'm the messenger here to say, That Orochimaru will kill you today. Hey! That rhymes...", Kabuto suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

" I've got an idea...", Deidara smirked.

* * *

Don't forget to review & tell me I'm crazy. XD 


	12. Little Red Clouds in the Woods

**A/N: **Some of the ideas in this chapter are from my annoying friend who won't leave me alone, who glomps me in the hallway & whom I eat lunch with. ( You know who you are...)

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Chapter 12- Little red clouds in the Woods

" Naruto? Are you smart now?", Sasuke asked.

" Whatsoever made you ponder on that, Sasuke?", Naruto asked.

" What have you been eating lately?"

" These packet thingies that Neji just ruined.", Naruto held up a pack.

" I'd better call a medic."

Neji began hearing voices from outside...

" But... do I really look like a health inspector?"

" YES!"

" But what if..."

" No buts, un!"

" Ouch! Who's this?"

" That's Tobi, un."

" Yuck! He's drooling on me! Get him off me!!!!"

" Bad, Tobi! No drooling on four-eyes!"

" But...but..."

" No buts for you too, un!"

There was a knock on the door afterwards & Neji opened it.

" Hi! I'm the health inspector!", Kabuto greeted him.

" NOT!", Tobi shouted from the place he was hiding with Deidara & Kisame.

" Shut up Tobi! They'll find out!"

" Yeah, un."

" Health inspector! What big round glasses you have! What deceiving looking face you have!", Naruto said & looked closely at Kabuto.

Neji eyed Kabuto suspiciously. " We weren't informed about a health inspector."

" Quick! Throw something like a boomerang!", Kisame urged. " No! Throw Tobi like a boomerang!"

" Tobi, do you wish to fly, un?"

" Yeah! Yeah!", Tobi began moving exitedly.

" Then you will get you wish, un.", Deidara & Kisame threw Tobi aiming at the diary on Sasuke's hands. It was successful but unfortunately, the diary flew out the window & on to a bench.

" Where did it go?", Kisame asked as he & Deidara followed where the diary flew off to.

" There! On the bench, un!", Deidara pointed to the bench ahead. " OMG! Shino sat on it, un!!!!"

Shino stood up & talked to Lee & Kiba who were approaching him.

" WTF?! The diary is stuck to Shino's ass!", Kisame gasped.

" I see it but I don't believe it, un."

" Let's go near to overhear them."

" So, we're now going on a hike. Wanna come along?", Kiba asked.

" It'll be good to exercise your youthfulness.", Lee added.

" You mean... It'll be good for your youthfulness to exercise."

" Sure, I'll go.", Shino said.

They walked off together towards the woods.

" Deidara-senpai... Deidara-senpai...", Tobi repeated while tugging Deidara's cloak.

" Not now, Tobi, un."

" But Deidara-senpai! ... DEIDARA-SENPAI!"

" WHAT?"

" What's your name?"

**In the woods later...**

" Shino...", Kiba said.

" What?"

" Your ass looks different."

" What made you say that?"

" I dunno... it looks kinda... deformed."

" Got a problem with that?"

" No but... I'm just worried."

" You're worried about my ass?"

" NO... I just...ugh... nevermind."

**Meanwhile...**

" Tobi... help... My cloak is stuck to the tree.", Kisame said.

" Ok.", he replied & pulled Kisame hard enough to get him unstuck & also hard enough to send them flying into the river nearby. " HELP! Deidara-senpai! We can't swim!"

" Hold on, un.", Deidara hurriedly made a clay boat & pushed it towards Tobi & Kisame. Sadly, only Tobi was able to get in & Kisame stayed afloat by grabbing the floating log beside him.

" Hey! That log looks funner than this one!", Tobi exclaimed & jumped back into the water to chase the log.

" TOBI! YOU BAKA, un!", Deidara angrily formed a handseal & made the boat explode. Luckily, the explosion caused Tobi & Kisame to get thrown back to shore.

" Look! There's Shino!", Kisame exclaimed. " Let's hurry!"

**In Shino's side...**

" MY ASS IS JUST AS NORMAL AS YOURS, GOT THAT?", Shino said angrily.

" Sure, Shino, sure...", Lee & Kiba said in unison.

" Is someone following us?", Lee stopped walking & looked around.

" No.", Tobi answered from where he was hiding.

" Oh, ok.", Lee went on walking.

" Lee, who the hell are you talking to?", Kiba asked.

" Who are you?", Lee called out to Tobi.

" To--", Deidara quickly covered Tobi's mouth. " NOBODY, un."

Lee turned to Kiba. " Nobody, un."

Kiba drew a sigh of relief. " For a minute there, I thought you were talking to some ridiculously stupid guy with a swirly vortex for a face."

" That will never happen. Oooh! Look! An ant! I'll name him Kiba."

" Why my name?"

" Because you somewhat remind me of an ant."

Kiba stepped forward in rage. " What do you mean I remind you of an ant???!!!!"

" OMG!!!!!! KIBA! YOU KILLED KIBA!", Lee shouted out.

" IT'S JUST AN ANT!"

" Kiba is NOT just an ant!"

" Stop calling the ant Kiba!"

" Kiba, I'm very disappointed in you. Don't you have a heart for bugs or creepy crawly things?", Shino said.

" You're talking to the ant, right?"

" No."

" SHINO! Not you too!", Kiba shook Shino hard. Hard enough to make the diary fall on the ground.

**Back in the bush where they're hiding...**

" I GOT IT!", Kisame cheered holding the diary.

" Horray for you.", Tobi said sarcastically.

" Tobi, are you trying to be sarcastic, un?"

" Yeah, yeah.", he nodded.

" Don't, un."

" Now let's hurry up & return the diary before we get tortured.", Kisame said.


	13. Festivals With Tobi

Eh, Sorry for really long update. All that homework & stress from school stole all my crazy ideas.

**Like I said: **I don't own Naruto & am getting tired of typing this.

* * *

Chapter 13 - Festivals With Tobi

" Sasori danna! Sasori danna!", Deidara jumped on Sasori as soon as he woke up & groaned that morning.

" What do you want? Did you finally return Itachi's diary?", Sasori pushed him off.

" Un! I need someone to go with me to the festival in Konoha, un!"

" Ugh... ask Kakuzu."

" He told me ask you, un. Plus, he said he'd rip my heart out if I ask again."

" Well, ask him again. I'm sure he'll mention another name."

" But Sasori Danna!!!!!!! I don't want to lose a vital organ."

Tobi jumped on Deidara as soon as he saw him. Deidara groaned ( _dugh._ ). " Tobi get off me, un!"

" Deidara senpai! I need someone to go with me to the festival in Konoha!"

" Ugh... ask Sasori."

" What makes you think I'll go with him after I said no to you?", Sasori asked Deidara.

Deidara smirked. " I'm sure you'll mention another name."

**In Konoha...**

" Look, Deidara senpai! A monk!", Tobi pointed at a monk who was sipping some of his tea at the dango shop.

" Keep walking, Tobi, un."

" Hi Monk! Can I have your autograph?", Tobi called out to the monk.

" Shut up, Tobi! Stop making a scene, un!", Deidara dragged Tobi away from the dango shop.

" Hey! He's bald! Dude, he has some serious problem with his hair."

" TOBI IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WAY, un!"

" Really?"

" Now let's get going."

As they continued walking, Tobi spotted Sasuke. " Look! It's Sake! Hi Sake!", Tobi waved.

" My name is Sasuke!", Sasuke shouted back angrily.

" Hey Sake, wanna go to the dango shop & drink some Sasuke?"

" Keep walking, Tobi, un.", Deidara pushed Tobi away from Sake ---- I mean --- Sasuke.

" Humph. You won't let me have any fun. How am I supposed to enjoy this festival when I can't do anything fun?", Tobi folded his arms & pouted.

" What DO you want to do then, un?"

" I wanna greet everyone that I know. Let's go, Deidara senpai!", Tobi grabbed Deidara's arm & ran happily. He accidentally bumped Tenten while running. " Sorry. Hey! Aren't you bunbun, Deidara's gi---"

" TOBI, SHUT THE HELL UP, un!", Deidara quickly covered Tobi's mouth.

Suddenly, Akamaru came running fast towards Tobi. " Akamaru! Stop! Come back!", Kiba shouted while running after Akamaru who now jumped on Tobi.

" Look, Deidara Senpai! He likes me!", Tobi happily picked up Akamaru who was licking his face.

" No, he just thinks you're a lollipop.", Deidara said.

" Diandra! Hi! & lollipop-kun, hi to you too!", Kiba waved.

" It's Deidara & I'm not a girl, un!"

" Sure, Diandra, sure."

" OMG! Look, Diandra senpai! They're selling shakes. Buy me one! Buy me one!", Tobi eagerly pulled Deidara once again & ran to the store.

" Can I go with you people & buy me a shake?", Kiba asked Tobi who was choosing exitedly for a flavor.

" Sure, freeloader-san !", Tobi replied.

Ino stood between Tobi & Kiba as she paid for the shake she purchased from the shop.

" Nino, hi!", Kiba greeted Ino.

" It's Ino."

" No, that's a girl's name."

" I AM a girl, dammit."

" You expect me to believe that?"

" Hi Deidaralookalike-chan! I'm Tobi.", Tobi greeted Ino.

" Ugh... hi."

Just nearby was Tsunade & Shizune ( with Tonton of course ) walking along the road enjoying the festival. While they were distracted from all the astonishing things the festival could offer, Tobi got Tonton & held it up in front of Deidara's face. " Can I keep him? Can I keep him?"

" Tobi, put that thing down, un."

" Aww... please????"

" Tsunade-sama! Those people just took Tonton!", Shizune shouted. " We need to call reinforcements NOW!"

" Can you do that for me? I think I'll join that poker game over there. Plus, I need all the relaxation I can get before returning to my mind numbing paperwork.", Tsunade walked over to the people playing poker.

" TSUNADE-SAMA! They're getting away!", Shizune chased Tsunade as Tsunade covered her ears saying ' I'm not listening lalallalalala' . " TSUNADE-SAMA!"

**Meanwhile...**

" TOBI!!!!!! WHAT DID YOU PICK UP THIS TIME, un?!", Deidara shouted loudly after he caught sight of Tobi reading an orange book while drooling. He snatched the book & gasped when he saw the title. " Tobi! Quit polluting your mind on ... on... oooh. What's this, un?" He started to drool after reading a page.

" You were saying..."

" Ugh... GET YOUR OWN COPY, un."

" Hey! That was MY copy! Give it back, Inolookalike Senpai!"

" Not yet, un! & what did you just call me????!!!!"

" When life gives you lemons, I read them & drool."

" Tobi, you say weird things, un. Oh yeah, what did you do with the pig?"

" I gave it to Hidden."

" You mean Hidan, un?"

" Yeah. The grim reaper look alike guy."

" There you are!", Akatsuki Leader-sama said when he finally ( _Enphasis on the word finally. Yeah, I know you're wondering why I'm not capitalizing it instead of putting this really long note about enphasizing it & why I'm not capitalizing it. Yeah, & I also know that you're wondering why... Ok, ok! I'll shut up already._ ) found them. " Deidara, as leader of the Akatsuki, I'm ordering you to cut that bunch of blond hair hanging over your eye! Mwahahahahha" He held up a pair of scissors to further improve the horrifying ambience. (** A/N:** _Wow! this is the longest paragraph I made in this fic. Alright, I get it, I'm annoying_.)

" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, un! WAIT, for what reason?"

" Cause I said so."

" Oh, ok. NOOOOOOOOOOOO, un."

" Don't worry Inolookalike senpai. I'll help you.", obviously Tobi said this.

" You... you will, un?"

" Yup! I'll help you scream! Noooooooo!"

" Ugh... thanks, I guess. But can you do something productive, un?"

"Like what?"

" GET LEADER-SAMA TO NOT CUT MY HAIR, un!"

" What's the magic word?"

" Please, un.", Deidara said in an annoyed tone.

" Please who?"

" Please hurry up & do it you baka, un."

" Humph. How rude."

" Anyway, I'll go cut your hair now.", Leader-sama said & chased Deidara until they reached the hideout. " Mwahahaha!"

* * *

Thanks for reading. If you think I'm crazy review & I'll accept your opinion.


	14. Dreams Do Us Part

Sorry for the late update. All the projects I've been getting in school is driving me crazy.

Anyway, I was listening to " I Write Sins Not Tragedies" by Panic! At the Disco so I got this really weird idea...

* * *

Chapter 14 - Dreams Do Us Part

" NOOO, un!", Deidara screamed as the scissors got closer to his hair. Then SNIP! A single strand of gray hair was cut.

" There all done."

" That's it? I thought you were gonna cut the whole bunch, un?"

" Nope. Only that single strand."

" Oh, un.", _( awkward silence )_

" Hahaha... senpai, you're old."

" Shut up, Tobi. You'll be old too someday, un."

That night, Tobi had a dream... an incredibly weird one. I have more descriptions to add but sadly, I was infected by Shikamaru & became too lazy to type it all.

**Tobi's dream...** _( narrated by Naruto to Kiba & Neji )_

" Do you, Tobi, take insertwife'snamehere to be your awful wedded wife? Do you promise to be true to her in good times & in bad, in sickness & in health. You will love her & honor her all the days of her life Amen canIpleasetakethiscostumeout theheatiskillingme?", Hidan the priest said to the groom ( Tobi ).

" I think.", Tobi answered. " Who's under that veil anyway?"

" It's... drumroll please.", Neji appears with the drums. " Rin!"

_( Insert the happily ever after music whatever that was here along with Tobi drooling.)_

They happily skip out of the happy church passing by the happy people along the happy lane. Everything turned out great & full of annoying happiness until... dun dun dun... Kakashi came along...

" Yo.", Kakashi greeted Tobi. " I'm supposed to be here to steal your wife."

" Really? How?", Tobi asked.

" Like this.", Kakashi turns into a 'magician'. " Alka Seltzer!" He yells & disappears with Rin.

" Cool. That was awesome. Hey Rin, did you see that trick? Rin? OMG! He stole my wife! That bastard!", Tobi said in a stupid manner then clenched his fist to show his utter dispair.

Deidara appears behind Tobi & assured him, " I'm your lawyer. It is my job to get your wife back through the process of prosecuting, defending & objecting, un."

" Waaah! I don't like this dream anymore! Senpai, as my lawyer please do the honor of waking me up.", Tobi shook Deidara hard.

" No can do. I can give you these boxing gloves though. They're nice, safe & they're portable, un."

" I thought all boxing gloves were portable?"

" Nevermind about that. Now let us go to court, un!"

" But that stuff is boring! Why can't we just steal her back?"

" Fine, un. But just so you know, I'm accepting your idea cause you're the main character here."

" Horray! Now let's go!"

_( Insert Mission Impossible music here along with Deidara's grumbling)_

They sneaked in Kakashi's apartment & silently grabbed his Icha Icha Paradise to be used as randsom.

" Haha! We have your beloved book.", Tobi said as he appeared before Kakashi wearing a men in black suit.

" My book! Give it back!"

" Hand over my wife."

" Never!", Kakashi said but looked at his precious book with pity. ' _It looks so lonely without me'_, he thought. " Alright fine! But I turned her into an armadillo so... will you still accept the bargain?"

" What?! No way! That's so unfair!", Tobi complained.

" _For better or for worse...",_ Deidara whispered.

" Fine."

When they got back home, Tobi was so depressed that he wanted to commit suicide by jumping off a one storey building ( which would definately NOT kill him at all but cause him broken bones). He was suprised to be stopped by his lawyer.

" Don't jump Tobi, un!"

" You actually give a damn for me???", Tobi said while crying tears of joy.

" Well, the truth is...", _( dramatic pose )_. " If you get killed, I'll end up paying your large debt to Kakuzu, un. And the other reason is..."

" That's it, I'm jumping.", Tobi said & jumped.

" ... that won't kill you, un."

And so, Tobi ended up in the hospital with his armadillo wife by his side. And Deidara didn't have to pay that large debt for Tobi but had to pay a larger amount for the hospital bill.

THE END

" Naruto... that was so touching...", Neji wiped away a tear.

" Did Naruto say something?", Kiba asked.

**In Tobi's room...**

" That was the worst dream ever!", Tobi said as he woke up from his slumber. He noticed that all the Akatsuki members were seated on chairs in his room. " Why are you all here?"

" You narrated everything that happened in your dream while you were asleep so we decided to listen to you.", Kisame explained.

" Boxing gloves, un?"

" Tobi you owe me money. LOTS of money."

" Why wasn't I in your dream?! I'm the leader of this organization. I should be in it."

" Hn."

" I am NOT a priest dammit. And... its getting hot in here."

" Boxing gloves, un?"

" Why are you the main character????"

" What's with the rude comments all of a sudden?", Tobi asked.

" Nothing. We just think you're pathetic, un."

" Sigh."

" But... WE'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR NEXT DREAM!", they all shouted together then left the room in a flash.

" That was freaky."

" Boxing gloves, un?"


End file.
